Launching a Website with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
What happens when a neurodivergent perfectionist accidentally launches a website with a bearded man’s face staring back? Panic, a caffeine crash, and some hard-won lessons on RSD.
So here’s what happened:
I launched my website last week, quite by accident. I had a coaching session in the morning where the client was discussing their business, and after the session I was inspired: if they can do it, why can’t I? So I decided I’d buy my URL. However, in my ever-present lack of attention to detail, I bought it through a hosting service and as soon as I set the parameters of the free WordPress theme I intended to use, the site went live. And I mean the site went live with the theme of a sample of some dude’s coaching site.
While I’m Greek and had a beard as a pubescent girl, I got electrolysis, so the pictures of this man didn’t exactly look like me. Most of the copy was that lorem ipsum Latin placeholder script, which made the site look, multicultural? That was a start? Perfectionism panic ensued. Oh dear. What have I done?
So there I was on an afternoon, caffeinated yet exhausted thinking: I’M NOT READY. HOW DO I MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY?!
After an hour of frantically trying to unpublish (and failing), in my mind there were only two ways forward: either I delete all styling and placeholder copy and just leave it empty, or I add my copy I’d spent a year on that was, in my eyes, still not perfect.
I finally said to myself, well I’ve been working on the copy for the better part of a year, what’s the worst that could happen?
The Path I Took
The road to here has been complex: sleepless nights of worrying and what ifs, endless brainstorming around who I am and what I am going to offer, chopping and changing ideas. The term niche comes up a lot, what’s that about? And on and on.
I would say that really this whole project has been an idea for years. I’ve been in this in-between space, moving to different countries, dealing with different health issues, new treatments and pharmaceutical detoxes, bed bound with a functional ADHD brain thinking: What if this never ends, and what will I do if it does?
It seems I’ve made a lot more progress than I expected. And I want to take a minute to acknowledge that about myself. I did the damned thing! Woah dude. Good one.
RSD & Putting Yourself Out There
The biggest difficulty was the RSD – Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. For those who aren’t familiar, it’s essentially severe fear of rejection or being judged negatively, and for many folks with ADHD or AuDHD it can be quite debilitating.
RSD has genuinely plagued me with anxiety about social interaction since I can remember. The nausea and accompanying digestive issues that come along with it (IBS for the win!), the heart-palpitating anxiety, accompanied by waking up in a sweat and having sleepless nights. The seemingly endless rumination over how things could go wrong, how I could be perceived poorly, and the general what will people think sentiment that seems to permeate every aspect of my being.
Feeling RSD so intensely is tough enough. Putting myself out there in the world? Almost unthinkable.
Perfectionism paralysis was a big player in all of this. I must have rewritten my copy over 30 times, and this is probably a gross understatement. Don’t even ask how many draft pages there are in that folder (at least 7). As a neurospicy lady with a serious hyperfocus on communication, this was the biggest hurdle.
Highlights of my rumination include: How do I succinctly explain the complexity of my experience? How do I show that I have expertise? What language can I use to connect and clearly state who I serve?
And the hardest and most ever-present sentiment of: Who am I to tell anyone anything?
It felt like it took forever. But I got the copy done. Slowly and methodically in bursts of brainstorming and creativity over the course of a year. When creativity struck, I gave it space. Even if it was just 20 minutes while having The Real Housewives on in the background.
I had motivation last week, so I took the plunge and made the site, with the copy I had obsessed over for months, in a matter of hours. I don’t even know if anyone has looked at the site apart from the 3 or 4 people I shared it with.
I quietly added the link to my Substack and my LinkedIn, and that’s it. I didn’t make a big fuss, it’s just there now. What are people going to say? Dunno, my burnout from last week is so severe I can’t really think about it. I gave myself a few days to not think about it much and just veg out with TV and tasty foods. And now I’m coming back to it, seeing what I accomplished.
The Hyperfocus Trap
While I got over the RSD, my ADHD brain betrayed me in other (not) fun ways.
Because I launched through the website editor on my laptop, I kept the page open. And every time I had a thought, which was often, I’d just check one thing.
One thing became twelve things. Font size. Color palette. Should this be an accordion menu? What if I move this section up? Actually, what if I rewrite this entire paragraph?
Suddenly an idea I thought would take 15 minutes tops made four hours disappear. I didn’t eat, didn’t stretch. I barely looked away from the screen.
The result? Full-body burnout that lasted 4 days. Was it worth it to make the menu 2 pixels shorter? Absolutely not.
Did I do it anyway? Obviously.
What I Should Have Done (And You Should Do):
Avoiding Hyperfocus
1. Set hard boundaries with yourself
Some ideas:
- 2-hour launch window maximum
- Timer that forces you to stand every 30 minutes (I’m serious. Set it across the room so you have to get up)
- Close the editor when time’s up. Physically close your laptop if needed. If you’re like me and you watch shows on your laptop, just log out of the editing app or site. You’re gonna have to fight yourself on this but I promise it’s worth it.
- Schedule “tinkering time” for AFTER launch, not during. I did not do this successfully, and I paid the price. Don’t be a Maria.
2. Plan your collapse:
One afternoon of hyperfocus = one week of burnout. It’s just neurodivergent math. Clear your calendar for the day after launch. You’ll need it. Don’t do what I did and spend 6 hours the next day finishing it. Slow and steady is still progress.
And stretch. Please. Massages are expensive in this economy.
RSD Practical Strategies
What can I suggest? Let’s give you a few simple pieces of advice:
1. Soft launch is better than a big announcement
It’s ok to put something out there and not tell any of your friends, colleagues or family about it. Sometimes we need to do things just for ourselves.
2. Share with safe people first
Ask someone who you love and trust for their opinion. Bless my partner, he’s read all the versions of my site with patience and always a kind word. It’s ok to have others hype us up when we are struggling to do it ourselves.
3. Give yourself permission to not check analytics for a week
Do I know where the analytics are? No. Will I figure it out soon? Perhaps after I post this. Maybe next week. Who cares?
4. The Holy Grail of RSD reminder: No one is judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself
As much as we with RSD think we’re under a microscope, most people are worried about themselves and not really paying attention.
That doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of attention. It just means that, like you, they have a rich internal world and a busy life to get on with. They’re probably not nit-picking every single tiny thing you did wrong in the same way you are.
Did you make a grammar or spacing mistake? Probably. Is this going to tank your business once and for all? Probably not.
Ultimately, being neurodivergent and having RSD requires you to teach yourself you are safe even if people don’t like or agree with you. It’s accepting that the RSD part in your head is a voice; it is a valid part of your being, but it need not be the main way you see the world.
When that nasty little doubting voice comes up, it’s ok to tell it: I hear you, but I need you to step aside right now. We can talk about it later. And allow your focus to shift to a different perspective.
Can’t get the voice out of your head? Write it out on a piece of paper, then tear or burn that sucker up. She doesn’t deserve your time or energy. Let her go.
RSD is just a part of ourselves trying to keep us safe but it’s working on overdrive. It’s not bad, but it is functioning too strongly when it paralyses us, and we deserve better.
Conclusion
Just start. Start somewhere, anywhere. A little bit at a time. That perfection telling you it can’t go up unless it’s perfect isn’t helping anyone, especially not you. If it’s possible to forgive others their mistakes, why can’t you forgive yourself too when you make them?
Being kinder to ourselves as we grow and learn isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been trained by a society not built for you and the way your brain operates to be accepted. There are enough of us out here, neurodiverse, neurospicy, or just alternative enough to connect with you.
I’m here looking for people like me too, and I’m never going to find them if I continue to isolate myself. So here it is guys, it’s me, Maria, and I have a website.
